That American Girl AU: Can we go to New York?
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: Alternative Universe to my own AU of That American Girl. Violet got her will and Robert did not marry Cora and ends up in a horrible marriage. Years later he meets Cora again.
1. Chapter 1

AN: The universe of _That American Girl_ is somehow still stuck in my mind and there are several alternative versions that I have decided to work on. This is the first one of them and there will be at least one more, although I don't know when.

For those of you who haven't read the original version of _That American Girl (TAG)_ here is a short summary:

_TAG_ is based on the idea that Violet got her will and that Robert did not marry Cora, but someone else instead. Consequently Cora married someone else as well, namely the Duke of Suffolk and they have a son named Sam. However, Sam has never met his father because the father died before Sam was born, which of course means that Sam himself has been a duke all his life. Cora was never really happy with the Duke.

Robert and his wife have a horrible marriage and do not get along at all, but they have daughter, Mary (yes, THE Mary). Robert and Cora meet again of course :).

In the original story, they meet shortly after Sam's birth, but in this AU, it takes a while longer, you'll see why :)

Anyway, I hope you like this and that I am not boring you with the _TAG_ universe.

As always, let me know what you think!

Kat

P.S.: As I have finished writing this story, I will be back to my usual updating schedule.

The first chapter is the one with the most angst in it, it will get better soon.

* * *

It is his daughter's fifth birthday today and he gets up very early to make sure that he is the one to wake her. He doesn't want her to be woken by her nanny and he wants her to be woken by her mother even less. So he calls for his valet at 5:30, he had warned the man about a week ago about what was coming his way and his valet had looked at him and only nodded, as if he understood why his employer needed to be up so early. So when Robert is completely dressed at quarter past six, he goes to his daughter's room and prays to God that his wife did not reverse his instructions to the nanny to not sleep in the same room as Mary. Mary is afraid of other people, she is afraid of everyone but him and he hates the thought of his poor girl being afraid at night because she has to share a room with someone she doesn't like. He silently opens the door and is glad to see that the nanny's bed is empty. He decides to have it removed that day, he is sure that he can convince his parents to be on his side in this, they love Mary just as much as he does and they are doing their best to gain Mary's trust, but so far it has all been to no avail. His parents aren't hurt or disappointed, they, just like him, know that it is Mary's mother's fault that the girl is so timid and scared and only ever talks to him, but there is nothing to be done about it.

He sits down on the edge of his daughter's bed and gently strokes her cheek. The girl should be coming to him in the early hours of her birthday, she should walk into her parents' room and wake them up, asking for presents and be very excited, but that is something that won't ever happen for his little girl. She slowly opens her eyes and looks at him. "Good morning my birthday girl," he says to her and smiles. She smiles back at him; it is a very shy smile, as if she was afraid of really smiling. "I've got a surprise for you, but you have to get dressed." Mary's face screws up at this, the girl is afraid of being dressed, because once she is dressed she isn't allowed to ruin anything. Her mother continually yells at her if there is just a small spot on her clothes or if a strand of her hair has become lose. "We'll take your clothes and then we will meet Elsie. You know her, don't you?"

"She is Carson's friend, isn't she?"

"Yes, she is. She is the head housemaid. She said she would help us today, so we won't have to wake nanny." The under butler Carson and the head housemaid Elsie are the only servants that Mary isn't afraid of, although to his knowledge none of the other servants have ever given her a reason to be afraid of them, including the nanny. Because he wants he daughter to be something akin to happy at least in the early hours of her birthday, he asked Elsie to dress Mary that morning, he knows that that was unacceptable and he apologized to her for it before he had even asked her, but when he asked her, Elsie nodded and said that she wouldn't mind dressing Lady Mary for the day. He takes the box with Mary's new clothes that he brought with him and carries his daughter downstairs, where the head housemaid is waiting for them. "Well Lady Mary, first of all 'happy birthday'. I'd sing if I could but I don't want your ears to hurt." He knows that Elsie wanted to make Mary smile but it didn't work. Mary is afraid of smiling in front of everyone who isn't her father. Elsie takes Mary into the billiard room to dress her, they can't risk Mary being dressed upstairs, because although her mother tends to sleep in late, one never knows when she might be wandering the hallways and it wouldn't do for Mary to meet her mother this early in the morning, especially not on the girl's birthday. While he waits for his little girl, breakfast is served and when Elsie brings Mary into the breakfast room the girl looks at least a little pleased. She is afraid to show her emotions but he knows that she is very happy, at least for the moment. He nods to Carson who leaves the room and when he is alone with Mary he asks her "Do you like your new dress?"

"Yes, Papa. I look like Aunt Rosamund before she goes riding."

"You do. You look lovely."

"Thank you Papa."

They eat and while they do so, Mary talks about New York again. She found a book about it in the library more than a year ago, a book with many pictures in it and she hasn't stopped talking about it since the first time she looked at the pictures. She is only five, but she wants to go to New York and he plans on fulfilling that wish as early as possible, he just isn't sure when Mary is old enough to really appreciate a trip like that. Once they are finished with breakfast, Carson enters the room again, carrying a birthday cake and singing 'Happy Birthday'. Mary even smiles at the under butler, a gift she very rarely bestows because of her shyness and Carson smiles back at her. "Enjoy your cake, my lady," he says and leaves again. Mary does enjoy the cake, it is her favorite and she seems to be truly happy. After they have both eaten more cake than they should, he takes her outside. He goes on a walk with her every single day, just him and her because he wants Mary to be free of the constraints of being afraid of people at least once a day. But today he takes her to the stables and there is one other person but that can't be helped. Mary may not dare to hope it, but he has gotten her a pony for her birthday. Both he and his father think that learning how to ride, how to control an animal bigger than her, might do Mary some good, might help her become a little more self-confident. He has asked the stable boy to not come inside before he gets him because he wants Mary to able to be happy about her birthday present unrestrained.

"Papa, why are we here?"

"Because there is a birthday present for you in here. It is from your grandparents and me. Look, there he is."

"A pony, Papa? You are giving me a pony?"

"Do you like it?"

"Yes Papa. My own pony. I love it. And I love you. So will I learn how to ride?"

"Yes. There is a stable boy here who will help you saddle the pony and I will teach you how to ride."

"Can I name the pony?"

"Of course you can, he is yours."

"Then I will name him Pedro."

"Pedro?"

"Yes. I read it in a book. I forgot which one. It wasn't good, but I like the name." Read it in a book. His daughter is turning five today and she can both read and write. He taught her, she asked him to teach him about a year ago and so he did and it didn't even take half a year for Mary to be able to read and understand the Greek Classics. Of course in English translations, she doesn't know ancient Greek, not yet anyway. Mary loves the lessons he gives her every day, he is now teaching her maths, they've gone far past multiplication tables and moved on to fractions and integers, things he learned at Eaton, not when he was five, and he thinks that if Mary keeps on learning so much, they will start with functions and trigonometry soon. He has also considered teaching her Latin as well, Latin, Math and philosophy were his strong subjects. He'd hire a tutor for her if it made any sense, but it doesn't because Mary wouldn't talk to a tutor. To everyone except him, Mary seems like a stupid girl who hasn't ever spoken a word. His parents and sister and his sister's husband believe him when he tells them how intelligent Mary is and what she is capable of, although she is still so young. Mary's mother, however, doesn't believe a single word of it. All she sees is the girl who in her eyes should have been a boy, the girl who in her eyes keeps on disappointing her, although Mary certainly is a daughter to be very, very proud of, a daughter he wouldn't exchange for anything.

Their riding lesson goes as well as any other lesson he has ever taught her, she learns riding just as quickly as she learned to read and write and to do math. The only downside is that Mary's hair now looks as if it had never been done and he hopes that her mother won't be up yet so that Elsie can fix Mary's hair, because if her mother sees this, she will yell at Mary. He thinks that he should probably learn to do a few simple hairstyles so that he can help his daughter after they have been riding together, because her hair will fall apart, there is no way around it. He wishes she wasn't so scared of his mother, because the Countess of Grantham would be more than willing to help, but Mary doesn't trust her.

"Papa, thank you. That was the nicest birthday I ever had. I love you. Please say thank you to Grandpa and Granny too." He briefly wonders if he should tell Mary to thank them herself, but he'd be putting pressure on her and he doesn't want to do that.

"I will Mary. They will be very happy that you are happy, because they love you very much."

Mary grabs hold of his hand and doesn't let go of it before they reach the house. Once they are inside, he hears his wife fighting with his mother about Mary not being iniside and him having taken her away so early in the morning. He automatically lifts Mary up into his arms because he knows that she is afraid now. He wants to bring her to the billiard room and ask Elsie to fix Mary's hair in there, but, but he never makes it to the room, because his wife leaves the library before he has left the entrance hall.

"Mary," she yells and the girl begins to shake. "What happened to your hair? Why are you wearing a riding habit? Talk! You are five years old you have to speak."

"Leave her, please. It's her birthday."

"I don't care." Mary has now hidden her face in his shoulder and begun to sob.

"Phillipa, please." He has begged her million times to leave Mary alone, to accept that she only speaks to him, to stop yelling at her and thereby build up some trust, but his wife doesn't listen. He hates her for that. He never liked her, he only married her because his mother wanted him to, he had wanted to marry Cora Levinson, an American heiress, but his parents insisted on him marrying the daughter of an Earl and so he did because he was a dutiful son and at 18 had been far too young to understand the magnitude of it all, to understand that he should have fought for what he thought would have been a much better solution. He didn't love Cora either, but at least he liked her and he had been sure that she would be a good mother. She probably is a good mother, she married the Duke of Suffolk and had a son a few months after the Duke had died in a racing accident. He hasn't heard anything about her ever since, he sometimes thinks about her still, but his memories of her have become vague and they are probably somehow idolized, but that doesn't really matter because he doubts that he will ever see her again and if he did see her again, she certainly wouldn't talk to him. He knows that she expected him to propose to her and he didn't even tell her that he would propose to someone else, she learned from the newspapers that he had done so when his engagement had been announced.

The nanny has now taken Mary from him and the child cries even harder now and he wishes he could go with her but he can't because he can't be around her 24 hours a day. He goes into the library because he wants to tell his parents how happy the birthday present made Mary but Phillippa follows him there and keeps on talking to him.

"Robert, we have to do something about that horrible child."

"She isn't a horrible child, she is a wonderful little girl."

"She is stupid and only ever causes trouble."

"That is not true. She never causes any trouble."

"Did you see her hair?"

"I took her riding. It wasn't her fault."

"Before you teach her to ride, you should teach her how to speak."

"She can speak. And read and write and do math far beyond what I could do when I came to Eaton."

"I don't know why you always protect her. Why you can't just accept that we have a horrible daughter who is nothing but a disappointment?"

He wants to answer something but he sees movement outside out of the corner of his eyes and when he looks outside the window he sees Mary running across the lawn and she doesn't wear a jacket. He is sure that she is running away, so he leaves his wife where she is and runs after his daughter, yelling her name but the girl doesn't turn around and he is scared. Mary has never ignored him before and she seems to be running for her life. She runs straight towards the lake and then onto the lake, and although it is the end of January, he is quite sure that there isn't enough ice on the lake to support even Mary's weight and he yells at her to get off the ice, but Mary now slides to the middle of the lake and then his world turns black around him because he sees his girl fall and the impact is so hard that the ice breaks and his daughter vanishes into the lake.

He runs as fast as he can and when he reaches the lake he can still see her move, thankfully she knows how to swim, he taught her last summer, but she can't get out of the water. He knows the ice will break, he knows he will most likely be injured, but he has to save his little girl and so he runs onto the ice and falls into the lake himself but he can grab Mary and swim to the shore with her. His father has arrived there as well now, he didn't even notice him following them, and in the distance he can see his mother, Carson and Elsie coming their way too. He holds Mary tight to him and the girl sobs uncontrollably. His father takes of his coat, he must have been outside, and hands it to him and he wraps Mary in it. He then walks towards the house as fast as possible, carrying a sobbing and shivering Mary. She needs to be changed out of her clothes and before he has the change to ask, Elsie takes her from him and although it leads to Mary crying even harder, at least the girl doesn't struggle. "I'll change her, my lord, you should get changed too." He nods but strokes his daughter's head before he leaves and says "I'll be with you soon, my darling girl. I love you."

"You should have let her drown. It would have been what she deserved for running onto the ice like that." He doesn't know whether he is mad or glad that his father grabs hold of him before he can hit Phillippa. He isn't a violent man, he has never been in a fight in his life but he just snapped and he is trying to struggle free of his father holding him.

"Robert, no. Listen to me. Don't do it. That is not you. Go upstairs, get changed, I don't want you to get sick, you couldn't be there for Mary if you got sick."

His father is right, of course, he can't get sick, his daughter needs him and so he leaves without looking at his wife. He makes a decision while he gets changed, a decision he should have made long ago, so he tells his valet to pack all his things and then also tells him that he will only take Mary with him and no one else. He goes to his daughter's room and he can hear her cry before he hasn't even opened the door. The sight that greets him once he has opened the door breaks his heart. His little girl is sitting on the chair in her room, rocking herself back and forth and still sobbing uncontrollably. "I got her into dry clothes but she wouldn't let me do anything else for her."

"Thank you, thank you so much. Would you tell nanny to pack all of Mary's things? I am not taking the nanny, I am not taking anyone, but we will leave."

"Yes, mi'lord."

He walks over to his daughter and lifts her up, sits down on the chair himself and puts Mary onto his lap. "Oh, Mary, I was so scared. I am so glad nothing happened to you. I love you so much." He strokes her back and eventually she stops to cry.

"I am sorry Papa, for running away like that. I won't do it again, I promise." He kisses the top of her head and just says "I love you" again. He needs to take Mary to a doctor to make sure that she isn't sick, but so far she seems to be alright. He is glad beyond words that he got her out of that lake so fast and that he taught her two swim, because he is sure that he would not have been able to deal with her death and he knows that it was close.

"Mary, we are going to leave the Abbey for a while. We will go to your Aunt Rosamund as soon as our things have been packed. Just you and me. No one else."

"For how long?"

"I don't know yet, but I think we should go somewhere else as well." Maybe they could go visit his cousin Shrimpie in Scotland. The weather would be horrible, but it would be far away.

"Can we go to New York?" He makes a spur-of-the-moment decision. Why shouldn't they go to New York? Mary has wanted to go there for over a year and he would like to see it too.

"You know what? We can." Maybe they will even stay for a while if they both like it. A few months, maybe even a few years. He knows he will have to return to the Abbey eventually, but he won't be doing that any time soon.

While he and Mary wait for their things to be packed, he asks Carson to organize their transport to the train station and to send a telegram to Rosamund, telling her that they are coming there. Shortly before they have to leave he takes Mary downstairs to say goodbye to his parents. He knows that he will hurt them endlessly, but it is at least in part their fault, had they let him marry Cora Levinson, none of this would have happened. He can see in their faces that his parents know that he will leave for an indefinite amount of time. His mother hugs him and while she still has her arms around him she looks at him and says "Robert, I am so sorry, so very sorry," and then for the first time in his life, he sees his mother cry. He hugs her again but doesn't say anything because there is nothing that he could say that wouldn't hurt her. His father hugs him too and there are tears in his eyes too.

"Will you come back?"

"Eventually. I won't leave you in the lurch. I'll do my duty and I'll come back before I have to follow in your footsteps." He wants his father to know that he is not leaving forever, that he will see him again. "Will you let us know where you are and how you are doing?"

"Of course Papa."

"We will miss you."

"I will miss you too. But I have to do this."

He gives his father a final hug and then lifts Mary up into his arms and leaves the Abbey. He is glad that his parents haven't come outside with him; he needs to do this his way.


	2. Chapter 2

When they get to his sister's house, the doctor is already there and once he has had a thorough look at Mary pronounces her to be completely healthy, if a little exhausted. He lets Mary sleep and joins his sister and her husband in their sitting room. Without them asking him what happened, he tells them and they both look at him horrified.

"Robert, you have to divorce her."

"I can't. If I divorce her, she might get her money back. It would ruin Papa, we'd lose the estate." Rosamund and Marmaduke are looking at each other now and Rosamund nods at her husband.

"Robert, your sister and I have come to a decision, a rather substantial one. When we stayed with you for two weeks for Christmas and New Year's, we became fully aware of how desperately unhappy both you and Mary are and we've talked it over. We have more than enough money to save Downton should your wife get her money back. We'll bail the family out."

"You can't. You'll have children and,"

"No Robert," his sister interrupts him. "We won't have any children. I can't have children and so Mary is the closest we will ever come to having a child. We are doing it for her and for you. Please don't argue. File for a divorce tomorrow, allow your lawyer or Papa or Marmaduke to take care of everything else and go to New York as you told Mary you would. Don't come back from America before you are divorced. I have a few friends in New York, I'll send them a telegram, they'll provide an acceptable social life for you. They can help you find a nanny and valet over there and whatever else you might need. Leave tomorrow. I love you Robert, you are my baby brother and I can't stand to see you or your lovely daughter suffer like that."

He is stunned because of his sister's speech and he wants to argue but she looks at him imploringly. "Rob, please. It will do both Mary and you good to leave England for a while. Who knows, Mary might come out of her shell once she isn't surrounded by anything that frightens her anymore."

He does as his sister asks because he knows that she is right. Once he has returned from the lawyer he writes his father a letter, telling him that he has filed for a divorce, that Marmaduke will see it through for him and that Rosamund and Marmaduke will bail the family out should that be necessary. He doesn't mention going to New York, he will send his parents a telegram once he and Mary are there and Rosamund and Marmaduke know where he is taking Mary anyway.

He shares a tearful goodbye with his sister before leaving for Liverpool and he briefly wonders if he shouldn't at least have taken a footman but he wants to start a new life and he can only do so if he leaves everything but Mary behind.

When they arrive in New York he finds a porter who takes care of their luggage and a driver who takes them to their hotel. Both he Mary spend the next 20 hours asleep, but once they have regained their strengths, he takes Mary for a walk around the area of the hotel and his little girl's eyes light up like the sun when she sees that New York is even more beautiful in reality than on the pictures in that book back at Downton.

His sister obviously kept her promise that she would ask friends of hers to introduce him to social life in New York, because he receives an invitation for a party four days after their arrival. Because he doesn't have a nanny yet and he doesn't want to rush getting one, he enjoys taking care of Mary himself, he just takes her along. Their hosts tell him that they don't mind having Mary around, that they don't mind her walking around their house and so he allows Mary to explore the ground floor of the house. He knows she won't get lost and he knows she won't go anywhere else. But when she hasn't returned to him over an hour later, he thinks that he should go in search of her, lest she has fallen asleep somewhere. The second room he looks into is the library and not surprisingly, Mary is in there. Something that does surprise him however is what she is doing. She is reading _The Odyssey_ out loud and she is reading to a little boy who sits next to her on the sofa. The boy can't be older than two or two and a half years, but he listens to Mary intently. He has no idea who this boy is, but he wants to find out because he needs to meet his parents, he needs them to agree to let him and Mary spend some time together. He watches his daughter read to that unknown boy and he is almost as fascinated by the younger child as he is by Mary reading to someone that isn't himself. Eventually a young woman who looks like a nanny comes into the room and says "Your Grace, there you are. I will return you to your mother now." Mary stops reading the moment she realizes that there is someone else in the room. When the nanny makes to take the boy, he begins to cry for his Mama. It breaks Robert's heart because it reminds him of Mary so much, only that his little girl would never cry for her mother.

"Leave him here and get his mother. I will watch both children. Lady Mary is my daughter."

"Very well." He briefly wonders whether he should tell the nanny that only a duke should be called 'your grace', but if he wants to get along with the boy's parents, he probably shouldn't lecture their servants.

Mary looks up to him uncertainly and he smiles and nods at her to go on and she keeps on reading then. His daughter has such a lovely voice and he wishes that he wasn't the only who has ever really heard it. That boy sitting next to Mary has now of course heard it too, but he won't remember it. He takes a closer look at him and the boy somehow seems familiar although he can't put his finger to what seems familiar about him. He somehow has the feeling that he has seen him before or maybe he saw his father. That could of course be it. If that child really were a Duke he might already know the child's father. Although if the boy is a Duke, his father is most likely dead. When the boy looks up and almost screams "Mama, Mama," and slides of the sofa, he looks in the direction the boy is now running in on unsteady feet and when he sees the woman who must be the boy's mother crouch down to catch her son, he realizes that he knew the father, that the father is certainly dead and that he knows the mother too. And that he knows her rather well. He just stares at her, he can't say anything, he prays to God that she won't see him, maybe won't recognize him or will just ignore him once she has recognized him and most of all that she won't make a scene in front of Mary. His daughter sits rooted to the spot, staring at the little boy and his mother in wonder. The mother then gets up, looks up, looks at him and he knows she has recognized him instantly.

"Robert," she says and almost drops her son but catches him again.

He just stares at her and in that moment he understands what Mary must feel when she is too scared to speak because she is afraid of saying the wrong thing.

"I am surprised to see you here," the boy's mother goes on, but she doesn't sound as if she was going to cause a scene now.

"Well, I am rather surprised to find myself in New York too. It is nice to see you again, Duchess."

"Robert," she says exasperatedly. "Haven't we long gone past calling each other by our titles?"

"You weren't a Duchess then."

"No, I wasn't." There is sadness and regret in her voice and he feels so sorry for her, sorry for the disappointment he must have caused her.

"Cora, I am sorry, I am so sorry. I" She looks at him and smiles and shakes her head.

"Not here. We can talk if you want to, but not here. I wouldn't want to be overheard."

"You are right. But I would like to talk to you. I promised Mary I'd take her to Central Park tomorrow morning. Maybe you could meet us there?" He has no idea why he is so straight forward with her, why he asks her to meet him in a park. Maybe it is because they used to know each other rather well and because he likes her, but it doesn't really make any sense to him.

"Won't your wife object?"

"My wife is in England." Cora can't hide her smile at this and he wonders why she smiles like that and whether there is something vicious behind that smile but he doesn't think so because she really is a nice person. Her son now begins to wriggle in her arms and she absentmindedly puts him down again. He looks at the boy walk over to the sofa again and try to climb onto it. To his utter astonishment, Mary lends him a helping hand and when the boy is finally on the sofa again, he looks at Mary expectantly and says "Read, please." The wind is literally knocked out of him when Mary looks at the boy and says "If that is what you would like," and then begins to read again.

"She's reading him _The Odyssey_?" Cora asks after about two minutes of listening to her.

"I am sorry if that seems inappropriate for such a young child."

"No, no, I don't mind, there are worse things she could read to him. But how old is she?"

"She turned five about three weeks ago."

"Is she really reading or does she for some reason know it by heart?"

"She is reading. She can read and write."

"That is very impressive. You and your wife must be so proud of her." He looks at Cora who keeps staring at Mary in awe.

"I am very proud of her but the same cannot be said about her mother." He has no idea why he tells Cora this. He should have just said yes, it wouldn't even have been a complete lie because he at least is very proud of Mary.

"Is there trouble in paradise?" The question feels like a dagger to his heart.  
"What paradise?" he asks and then Cora turns her gaze away from Mary, looks at him and her face transforms from an expression that carried a little spitefulness to one that is composed out of utter sympathy and understanding.

"You didn't want to marry her."

"No. But let's talk about it tomorrow." She nods, moves closer to him and very gently touches his forearm.

"She is a wonderful little girl, Robert. I can see that."

He can only nod because he doesn't trust himself to speak. He and Cora remain standing next to each other and listen to Mary and he only realizes that they've been holding hands the moment Cora jerks her hand away from his and moves away rather hurriedly when the library door opens again. Mary stops reading immediately and when Cora's son impatiently pokes her into her side and says "Read more, please" Mary only shakes her head, gets up and hides behind Robert.

"Sam, say 'thank you' please."

"Thank you Mary," the little boy says, slides of the sofa, walks over to Mary and gives her hug. Mary is utterly flabbergasted by this and he has to hold onto her for her not to run away.

"Mama, up," the boy who is apparently called Sam says and looks at his mother expectantly. Cora smiles at him but says "Sam" and the little boy looks at here, smiles and then says "please."

"There you go," Cora says and lifts her little boy into her arms.

"We should go back," she says and he nods.

When they are back at the hotel he realizes that they never decided on a time and place to meet but the concierge tells him that there is a message for him from a Mr. Levinson and when it is given to him he knows that it really is from Cora who must have gotten either her brother or her father to send a message to him.

"Will we really meet Sam and his mother now?"

"Yes." Mary smiles at this. She has never smiled about having to meet someone that wasn't him and it almost makes his chest explode with joy. He knows that Sam is just a small boy, much younger than her still, that is probably the reason why she reads to him, maybe will even really talk to him, but it is a big step nonetheless. He has often asked himself whether it wouldn't be better for Mary if she had at least one sibling, but he can't bring himself to produce one for several reasons. He hates his wife and isn't sure he'd physically be able to do what was necessary to have another child, at least not with that woman, and he also doesn't dare to sleep with his wife because he is almost sure that she cheats on him and he can really only know and claim that a child of hers isn't his, if he doesn't take her to bed.

"Mary, Mary!" Sam comes running towards them and he can hear Cora laugh about her son. Just like the day before, Sam throws his arms around Mary and then shouts "read, please, read" at the top of his lungs. Mary looks at her father questioningly and he nods at her and says "Mary, you can read to Sam if he has got a book."

"I do," Cora says and crouches down in front of Mary. "Hello Lady Mary," she says, "I am very happy to see you again. Sam liked the way you read to him yesterday, so he'd be very happy if you did it again." She then hands a children's book to her and nods and smiles. "You can sit on this bench if you like. Your Papa and I will stay here and make sure that nothing happens to Sam." Mary stares at Cora first, then at the book and then at the bench and then she takes a deep breath and says "Thank you, Duchess. I will read to Sam, he is nice." With that his daughter takes the little boy's hand and leads him over to the bench. Cora watches them too and then turns to him.

"Hello Robert. Sorry about that."

"Don't apologize, please." He has a hard time fighting tears and he can't cry in front of Cora, he can't cry in public.

"She usually doesn't speak, does she?"

"Only to me. She lives a very miserable life, she is scared of everything, no matter what she does, she is always scared of making a mistake, except for when she is with me."

"Is that why you are in New York?"

"Yes. I left my parents' estate, I had to do it. I couldn't subject Mary to the despicable treatment she suffers at her mother's hands. And she has been talking about wanting to go to New York for over a year. She found a book about it in our library and looked at the pictures and since then she has been fascinated with this city. And it is lovely here."

"Robert, my brother has invited you to stay with us while you are here. You wouldn't have to live at the hotel then."

"I have never met your brother."

"No, but you have met his sister and that is enough. We are not in England, Robert."

"Cora, I can't, it wouldn't be"

"Proper? Throw propriety to the wind Robert. Live a life you like, at least for a little while. Show your daughter what living a carefree life means. You have a position to do it, you have enough money. Enjoy yourself. This is one of the greatest cities in the world, your daughter seems to like it here. Stay with us. Come with us to Newport when we go there during the Summer."

"What about your parents?"

"They left on a nine months tour to Europe and Africa on January 2nd."

"How convenient."

"Yes. I plan to fully enjoy my life here as long as I can. I will have to go back to England soon, Sam is a Duke, he needs to grow up there, but not right now. I am free for the first time in my life and so are you. My brother is nothing more than a figure head to keep up the pretense of decency. He doesn't care about what I do and who I spend time with as long as I am happy and don't bother him too much. And keep quiet about his lady friends, but I'd rather die than tell my parents about that."

"You say you are free for the first time in your life and you know you won't be free forever. Your son's title will catch up with you. Why would you want to spend the little time you have to do whatever you want to do with me of all people?"

"Because I like you and I know that we will get along well. As friends. And because I want to help you. I don't know why, but I do. Maybe I am just hoping to have a friend in England when I have to return there."

"I'll think about it."

"Do it Robert. You are in dire need of servants."

"What?"

"Your suit is a little dirty and Mary's hair looks, well, not as it should. You came here with just her, didn't you?"

"Yes. But what if it doesn't work? What if we can't be friends?"

"Then you'll leave. We can't ever be more than friends anyway, so you leaving will not cause any one of us pain." He knows he should tell her about his impending divorce, but he is scared that she will retract her offer then and he wants to spend more time with her. So he agrees and when he takes Mary back to the hotel he tells her that are going to stay with friends and that those friends are Cora and Sam his little girl smiles at him happily.


	3. Chapter 3

They are welcomed by Cora's brother, who is very nice to Mary although she tries to hide from him andmore than that, Harold appears to be the prefect host. That is until just after dinner when Harold literally pulls him into the billiard room and says to him "I know about your divorce. My sister tells herself that all this is just about friendship, but it is not what you want, I can see it in your eyes. You want her. You are getting a divorce and you want her to be your next wife. And I won't stop you, but if you hurt my sister, I will personally kill you. You have no idea how much she has been hurt in her first marriage and I won't let her be hurt again. Do you understand that? And tell her about the enf of your first marriage."

"Yes." He doesn't bother to deny Harold's assessment that his interest in Cora goes beyond friendship. He hasn't thought about making her his wife though because he doesn't want to get married to a woman he doesn't love ever again. While he is sure that he would have been much happier with Cora as his wife instead of Phillippa, he is also sure that he doesn't love Cora either, so she is out of the question. But he still won't hurt her. He should tell her about his divorce though, Harold is right about that.

So he seeks her out the next day and tells her that he won't be married for much longer and that this decision has made his life a lot easier. They talk for hours about their failed marriages and their worries about their children and for the first time in his life he has the feeling that there is someone who understands him, someone who feels the same, someone who is his friend.

Because they are in New York, one of the busiest cities in the world, and because they are a Duchess and a future Earl, they are invited to many parties over the course of the next few weeks. They have become very good friends and get along very well, they spend most of the time at those parties dancing together and he realizes how good it can feel to hold a woman in his arms, even if that woman isn't more than a friend, albeit his best friend. But maybe that is why it feels so good, because there are no strings attached, there is no pressure, they won't ever hurt each other, they can't, because they don't love each other.

They spend most of their days together as well, because their talk after he told Cora about the divorce was the start of a seemingly endless series of long conversations about everything and nothing. They talk about politics and gossip, but mostly about themselves. How they grew up, what they thought they would become, the dreams they had, how most of those dreams hadn't come true, how worried Cora is about being unable to raise a Duke because she knows too little about being an aristocrat and how worried he is about being unable to raise a girl because he knows next to nothing about girls.

"As long as she is still so young, it doesn't make difference whether she is a girl or a boy. So far I have taught her some things that more conservative people would call more suited for boys than girls, but it doesn't matter. I just don't know what to do when she is older and has questions about female topics. How am I to explain any of that to her? She won't talk to my sister who'd be more than willing to help." Cora then looks at him and says

"But she talks to me. Let's make a deal. I help you guide Mary through the female aspects of growing up a girl, becoming a woman, and you help me teach Sam how to be a Duke. We both have to go back to England at some point, we just have to make sure to go there at the same time." He has to think about this. Cora is right, Mary does talk to her. His little girl has opened up to Cora more than he ever hoped she would open up to anyone. She is still scared of everyone else, but when it is just him, Cora and Sam around, Mary almost seems like a normal child. He looks over to where Mary sits on the floor and plays some sort of game with Sam. His little girl has an unbelievable amount of patience with Sam, she adores the little boy.

"Cora, our estates aren't that close together. Wouldn't that be a problem?"

"We'd find a way around that, I am sure." She smiles at him and he is simultaneously reminded of dancing with her and holding her hand in the library at the party the met again and he wants to hold her hand again and if he is honest with himself, he wants to do quite a lot more than just hold her hand. But it is not to be, they are friends, they won't, they can't ever be more than firends. But when he is in bed that night, he can't help but think about her, he can't help but imagine her with him and his body reacts in ways he thought he wasn't capable of anymore. The next morning he hardly dares to look into her eyes because he is ashamed of last night, even if she will never find out what he thought about doing with her, what he dreamed of doing with her.

They spend two more weeks in New York before they remove to Newport in early June and while Cora's parents' house there is much, much smaller than the Abbey, it is still beautiful, with a small but beautiful estate surrounding it. They spend hours in the garden, letting their children roam around it without a care in the world. Harold is at the house most of the time, but he doesn't really care about them. They see him for dinner most days and he is a pleasant enough fellow, but he usually leaves as soon as they are done eating and doesn't resurface until breakfast. Robert usually has breakfast with just Harold, he always returns on time for that, as Cora likes to have breakfast in her room and the children are fed by the nanny. He doesn't really strike up a friendship with Cora's brother, they are too different, but they get along and it is an unspoken agreement between the two of them that Harold won't start to chaperone him and Cora as long as Robert doesn't mention Harold's never spending the nights at the house to anyone. He couldn't care less about Harold's antics, so it is easy for him to keep the promise. And there is no reason to really chaperone Cora and him because they are nothing more than friends, if close friends, although to an outsider they probably appear like a perfect family.

Cora and he spent quite a lot of time with their children, they bring them to bed together every night, and both Mary and Sam seem to be blissfully happy and without a care in the world. Cora and he then usually spent their evenings together, just the two of them, and as there are not half as many parties to attend as there were in New York, they have taken to dancing together in the sitting room. He usually hums a waltz for them, but they never stick to a correct dancing position, they always end up with their arms wrapped around one another and he can't stop the butterflies in his stomach from appearing and he tells himself that that would happen to him with any woman, but he knows that that is not true. He becomes scared of the power that Cora has over him and briefly thinks about spending less time with her, but the thought alone lets his throat constrict, so he dismisses that plan rather unceremoniously and keeps telling himself that what he feels for Cora is nothing more than fascination by the fact that there actually are nice women in this world. He knows this to be untrue either, because his sister certainly is nice and so are at least some of her friend, but he needs to hold on to some straw, he can't let his feelings for Cora take control of him, he has to keep them at bay. He can't let himself fall for her, however hard that is, however much he might want to.

One evening in early July while they are holding onto each other without saying a word, he just marvels at how right what they are doing feels for him and how hard it is for him to not give into his feelings and he wonders about how much he will miss Cora. He hasn't made any plans yet on leaving, his divorce is progressing, but not through yet and they have until mid-October when Cora's parents return anyway, but thinking about not seeing her every day anymore already makes him sad, very sad and scared. He knows that he won't be able to hold his feelings at bay much longer, they are breaking through, he restraint is wavering. He wants her to be his wife, but he knows that it can never be.

"Do you think that you will ever get married again?" He doesn't know why he asks her that, he doesn't want to hear her say yes, because the thought of Cora being married, of holding onto another man as she holds on to him tears his heart apart.

"I don't know. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life but you know what my first marriage was like. I could only ever get married out of the deepest love again. A two-sided love, because I could also not marry a man who I loved but didn't love me back." He only nods because he doesn't know what to say.

"I need to be swept of my feet, Robert."

"I'll try my best." He only realizes what he has said when he feels Cora shake and sob against him and he almost loses his balance. He shouldn't have said it, he should have held his tongue, she wants and needs him as her friend and nothing else.

"I am sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I know you said that we could only ever be friends and I respect that, I am sorry." He knows he should let go of her, he should just let her go now, it would hurt, it would hurt so much but it would hurt less than tomorrow and tomorrow it would hurt less than the day after tomorrow, he should let her go to save himself unbearable heartbreak, but he just can't and as she doesn't make any attempts to let go of him, to let him go either, and so he just keeps holding her. She needs several minutes to calm herself, but when she is able to speak again, she lifts her head of his shoulder and looks at him. She is so beautiful, even with a tear streaked face.

"I am glad you said it, Robert. So very glad. I didn't know about your divorce when I told you that we could only ever be friends." He looks at her and he thinks that her eyes are full of love, he hopes they are, he is almost sure they are. Full of love for him.

"What are you saying?"

"Sweep me of my feet, Robert. Please."

His insides explode in something he has never felt before as all his more or less successfully suppressed feelings for Cora break through to surface and he quite literally sweeps Cora of her feet right then by lifting her up and swinging her around. When he puts her down again he looks into her eyes and she gives the tiniest of nods and so he leans forward and kisses her. Gently and only on the lips at first, but she takes them a step further by deepening the kiss and burying her hands in his hair. He thinks that he has gone to heaven and for the first time in his life he wishes his daughter hadn't come to see him when he hears a small voice say "Papa? Bad dream." He stops kissing Cora, mumbles "Sorry," to her and turns around to face his daughter. But it isn't Mary standing in the doorway, it is Sam. He then realizes that the wording would have been all wrong for his daughter and in the same moment becomes aware of the magnitude of what Sam has said. Maybe the boy just called him 'Papa' because it is what Mary calls him, but maybe there is more behind it. He did spend a lot of time with the boy over the past four and a half months, he did many things with him that a father would usually do and now he doesn't know how to react. Cora who is now standing behind him gives him a little nudge into his back and says "Go to him." So he does and lifts the boy up into his arms as he has done hundreds of times before. "What did you dream of, my boy?"

"Monsters."

"That must have been bad."

"Yes. They eated you." He bites his tongue to not correct the boy because he knows from experience that little children who have just woken up from nightmares do not appreciate grammar lessons.

"Well, what are we going to do now?"

"Stay up?" He looks at Cora. It isn't his decision to make. He would let Mary stay up for a while, but Sam is not his son, so he can't just allow it. Cora nods, however, and he then carries Sam over to the settee and sits down with him on his lap.

"So, little Sam, what shall we do now?" But the boy doesn't say anything and just snuggles up to him.

"I think the just wants to be held a little. He is still so young."

He thinks that Cora is right because he can feel Sam's breathing calm down and Mary also wants to be held after nightmares, so this reaction doesn't surprise him. Cora and he keep on talking in low voices, not about what they had been talking about before but about the upcoming neighborhood bazar and he realizes that it is not that different form the annual bazar held at Downton. He tells her about that and then tells her about Downton in general.

"Papa, are we going back there?" It is Mary who asked the question and just by looking at her he knows that she has had a nightmare too.

"Not for a while, my darling girl."

"I had a nightmare, Papa."

"Did you dream of a monster eating someone?" It is Cora who asks the question and Mary looks at her in astonishment.

"Yes."

"Sam has had the same dream. Did you two read about monsters today?" Mary nods at Cora and he can see that Cora has to hide a smile.

"Well, they aren't real. Why don't you sit next to me for a while? We were talking about Downton. Maybe you could tell me a little about the walks you go on with your Papa when you are there?" Mary nods and sits down onto the sofa but only a second later she climbs onto Cora's lap and holds onto her almost the same way that Sam holds onto him.

"It is a very nice by the lake. And I have a pony there. Maybe you could visit us when we are in England?"

"I am sure I could," Cora says and kisses Mary on the cheek. Mary then falls silent the same way that Sam had done about half an hour earlier. He is almost sure that Sam is asleep now, his breathing has become deep and even. Mary's eyes are about to close too and he realizes that both children feel secure when they are with Cora and him and it makes him happy. They keep on talking about trifles for a little while until Cora says

"I think she has fallen asleep. Let's get them back to bed."

They each carry a child upstairs and manage to bring them to bed without waking them.

"We should go to be too," Cora says to him and touches his forearm.

"Yes. I'll see you tomorrow."

He falls asleep and as in so many previous nights he dreams of Cora, but this time his dream is not based on desire but on love.

The next morning he wakes up far too early but knows that he won't be able to fall asleep again, so he goes to the nursery to check on the children and when he opens the door he wishes there was a way to take a picture of what he is seeing. Sometime during the night Sam must have woken up again and he probably woke Mary too. Now both children are sleeping in Mary's bed, under the same blanket, their heads on the same pillow. Just when he makes to leave the room, Mary wakes up. "Papa?"

"Yes Mary?"

"Can you help me get up?"

"It is still very early, Mary and you were up late last night."

"I need to use the powder room." He almost bursts out laughing at that. Cora once told Mary that she shouldn't publicly announce when she had to go the restroom, because Mary used just say where she was going if she had to go and ever since then, Mary seems to think that even in a situation like this she should not use the words bathroom or restroom. He walks over to her and lifts her off the bed without waking Sam.

"Thank you Papa. Will you wait for me?"

"Yes."

He sits down on the edge of the bed that is now occupied by Sam only. The boy has turned onto his stomach now, one arm lying away from his body, the other one twisted upwards with his fist lying next to his head. His dark, unruly curls are sticking to his forehead and Robert gently moves them away. The boy sighs at his touch but doesn't wake up.

"Papa?"

"Yes?"

"Will you take me for a walk? Just you and me, like we used to do?" When Mary says this, he realizes that he hasn't been alone with her for a considerable amount of time in months and he feels rather sorry about that.

"Of course, my darling girl, but you at least need to put on some clothes."

"Nanny already put them out, but you have to help me dress." He thinks that Mary is getting too old for him to help her dress, she should only be helped by a woman and while he still ponders waking the nanny, the door opens and Cora comes in.

"Oh, it seems I am not the only one already awake."

"No," Mary says to her and throws her a rather fiery look that absolutely does not match the way his daughter fell asleep on Cora's lap last night. "Papa and I are going for a walk. Just him and me." Mary says this rather threateningly and Cora looks at him questioningly but he can only shrug his shoulders.

"That is very nice, Mary, but you can't go out like this. Why don't we take your clothes to my room and I'll help you? I'll also put your hair into a tidier braid."

"And then I will go on a walk with my father."

"Yes."

He wonders about Mary's odd choice of words. To his knowledge she has always called him 'Papa' when talking about him and he wonders what is behind it, but he is sure that he will find out soon enough.

As soon as they are outside, Mary grabs hold of his hand as she used to do when they were still in England. He lets her take the lead, there is no use in pushing her to tell him what is bothering her, he is sure that there is something bothering her, but if she is pushed she just puts up a wall around herself and pretends that everything is alright. She is quite like him in that way, although that character trait is much more pronounced in her than it is in him. Eventually Mary takes a deep breath and then says

"You kissed Cora last night." He knows there is no use in denying it, she probably saw them and went back to bed.

"Yes, I did."

"Why?" He has no idea what to tell his little girl. He can't tell her that he loves Cora, he does, he realized that last night when she asked him to sweep her off her feet, but they haven't made any decisions, and he is still married to someone else.

"That is very complicated, Mary."

"Do you like her?"

That he can answer truthfully.

"Yes."

"But you are married." He has to look at his daughter now, to make sure that he is still talking to a five year old, not a fifteen year old. Mary looks at him with a serious expression on her face and he decides that it is probably time to tell her about the divorce. There is a bench nearby and he stirs over there, sits down on it and motions for her to sit down next to him.

"Mary, what do you think being married means?" Before he can tell her anything, he has to find out how much she understands of this.

"It means that you have to live with someone in your house. And you have children together."

"What else?"

"You have to spend time with the person you are married to, but sometimes you can go away. Like you went away. But you have to go back, I think."

"Would you like that, if we went back?"

"No. I miss our house and Granny and Grandpa but I, I, I'm scared. She will be mean again." There are tears running down his daughter's face now and he takes her hands in his.

"Mary, do you know what a divorce is?" Mary shakes her head.

"If you get a divorce you aren't married anymore. It isn't easy to get one, but if you really don't like the person you are married to, you can get one."

"Can you get one? You don't like her either, do you?" He knows he shouldn't lie and so he says

"No I don't like her and yes I can get a divorce. Your uncle Marmaduke is taking care of it while we are here. We won't go back before I am divorced."

"Will she still live with us then?"

"No, she won't."

"Will Cora live with us instead?" Oh dear God, what is he supposed to say to that? He doesn't know, he wishes she would, but there is more than just one obstacle in the way. But he can't help imagining her at Downton as his wife and it is a very pretty picture. They could go on endless walks there, get lost around the estate, spend time together, he'd have a real partner in life, they could take care of their children together, maybe even have more children. A vision of Cora pregnant with his child enters his mind but he has to shake himself to stop thinking about it. It is nothing more than wishful thinking for now.

"I don't know."

"It would be nice if she did. She and Sam could both live with us."

"Do you like Sam?"

"Yes. He is like a little brother. It's like I am not alone anymore. And when you are with Cora, you are not alone either. It is better than before."

"Yes, it is. But I can't promise you anything, Mary. You know that Sam is a duke. He has his own estate, he has to live there."

"He lives here now and it must be a lot further away from his estate than Downton is." His daughter's logic is unfaultable.

"Yes. But he will grow up."

"Growing up takes a long time, Papa."

"From your point of view, yes."

"Sam thinks you are his father too."

"I know. Does is bother you?"

"Yes."

"I am sorry Mary."

"It wouldn't bother me if we all lived together forever. Then he could really be my brother and Cora could be my mother." He doesn't reply. It is his vision of the future but he has no idea whether it will actually happen. He kissed Cora once and she seemed very eager but that doesn't mean anything. Maybe it was just the moment they were in, but then again, they've become so impossibly close over the last few months that it is hard for him to imagine life without her and he wonders if she doesn't feel the same way about him. Her asking him to sweep her off her feet certainly is a good sign for that.

"Papa, once she is gone, I want to go home. I miss Granny and Grandpa. And I want to show Cora and Sam where we live."

"Why don't you write your grandparents a letter?"

"Would they like it?"

"Very much." He knows his parents would be over the moon about a letter from Mary. They ask about her in every letter they send and they send quite a lot of letters. He kept his promise to let them know how he was doing, he writes to them around every ten days and they reply to him, sometimes in individual letters, sometimes in just one letter. His father keeps him up-to-date on the estate business and his mother on the village gossip. He knows that his wife has long since moved out of the Abbey, his father must have almost literally kicked her out when the divorce was filed for officially. He has thought about returning to the Abbey before the divorce is through, because he has a duty there, but he just doesn't want to leave his life in America. They are so carefree here, there is literally nothing he has to do, nothing he has to take care of except for Mary and Cora and Sam. But if he were to marry Cora, they would at least have a little of this at Downton as well. He'd have to take care of the estate, he'd eventually be the Earl, but if he is honest with himself, he misses being responsible for the estate a little.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thank you for the reviews and favorites and follows!

Kat

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The decision of whether or not he should return to Downton a little earlier than he thought he would is taken out of his hands only a few days later. A telegram from Marmaduke has arrived, telling him that he needs to be in England ten days later to finalize the divorce. This sends him into a slight panic because he thinks that while he could just take Mary away from her home in England, he can't just take her away from here, away from Sam and Cora, but that he also can't ask Cora to come with them and take Sam too. Even if Cora were up to it, she sometimes seems to be rather adventurous, they could never plan a journey to England with two such young children in the space of one or two days, because he will have to leave the day after tomorrow the latest if he wants to make sure to be back in England on time and also doesn't want to rush from the harbor to the courtroom. He knows that he will have to have a very important conversation with Marmaduke before going to court, so he has to be in England as soon as possible. And he doesn't see how he would be able to accomplish all of this if both Mary and Sam were with him, even if that would mean that Cora was with him too. What is more than that is that his parents really don't know anything about Cora and only a little about Sam. All he has told them so far is that Mary and he are staying with a friend who has another houseguest and that that other houseguest has a young son who Mary likes to spend time with. He is sure his mother would faint if she saw him and Mary with Cora and Sam without a warning. When he tells Cora this, she looks at him and smiles.

"Robert, there is a very easy solution. Leave Mary here. Go to England, finalize your divorce and then come back. Stay here for a little while longer, until we are all ready to leave. Remember that we said we'd go back to England together, and I am not quite ready to do so. I don't think _we_ are ready to do so. You wouldn't be gone for longer than two or three weeks and I would take good care of Mary, I promise."

"I need to think about this and I have to ask Mary what she wants." Cora nods in understanding. He has never left Mary for longer than a day and he isn't sure whether she is ready for him to be away from her for three weeks but maybe this would be the best way to deal with all of this. Mary likes Cora very much, there is no doubt about it, she told him she wants Cora to be her mother after all and maybe staying with Cora for a few weeks while he wasn't there would be something that Mary could do.

When he tells his daughter that he has to return to England for a little while, but will come back to America and that it is up to her whether she will come with him or stay with Cora, his little girl looks into the distance first, then at the house they've been living in for quite some time now and then back at him.

"Do you promise that you will come back?"

"Yes."

"Then I would like to stay here. I get seasick on ships." That of course is true and something he had not considered. If he were to take Mary to England and back only a week later, his daughter would probably be seriously sick by the time they came back, because she can't keep any food down when she is on a ship.

"Good. I will miss you my darling girl." He will miss her very much, ever since the day she was born he has seen her almost every day; protecting his daughter, making sure that she at least had some happy moments every day has been what was most important for him for over five years now. Although it has become a lot less exhausting, because Mary is now in a place where she doesn't have to be afraid of anything or anyone. And he isn't the only one whom she trusts to protect her anymore.

"I will miss you too."

He has to leave the next day to make sure to be in England on time and sends a telegram to his parents that he is coming home for a short while, but that Mary won't be with him. Of course this means that he will have to tell his parents about Cora and therefore also a lot more about Sam than they already know, because his parents will be very surprised by him leaving Mary alone on the other side of the ocean for three or four weeks. Unless Rosamund has told their parents everything that he has ever written to her and that was quite a lot.

He and Cora spend the evening together and they are both rather subdued and don't say much, he will miss her and missing her will be more painful than missing Mary. He doesn't love Cora more than he loves Mary, but his love for Cora is of course different. He has become dependent upon her, she is not only the woman he is in love with, but also his best friend, the best friend he has ever had. So far his best friend has probably always been Rosamund, but Rosamund is his sister and while they get along rather well, there are still many things he would never talk to her about but feels quite at ease talking about them Cora. But more than their conversations, he will miss being able to hold her before they go to bed, to be close to her, to just see her and he has to tell himself that so far all they have done was share one kiss and that although Cora asked him to sweep her of her feet, they haven't even discussed getting married yet. But when he looks at her, sees the look on her face, he is almost sure that she feels the same; and because he doesn't want their last evening to be a sorry affair, he eventually gets up and says "Dance with me." And so they dance for a little while, until he pulls her closer to him and she rests her head on his shoulder.

"I will miss you so much, Robert."

"I will miss you too."

They don't say anything for a few moments until Cora lifts her head and looks straight into his eyes.

"I think you've swept me off my feet," she says and then begins to kiss him and he kisses her back and it is driving him wild. Without conscious thought he takes her to his room and he knows he won't be able to stop unless Cora explicitly asked him to do so.

"I can't stop unless you tell me to," she says to him and it sends a jolt through his body.

"I can't tell you that." They do things he has dreamed of doing with her for months now and he is in a complete daze and he knows he can't live without her anymore, not after this.

"Marry me," he says. It is not a question.

"Yes," she replies and they both begin to cry and laugh at the same time.

When he wakes up the next morning, she is still by his side, sleeping peacefully next to him. He is a little horrified at what they have done, he is a married man and he isn't married to her, but he can't regret it. He wakes her up because he wants to have time to say goodbye and to make sure the she is alright, that she doesn't feel bad about last night. She needs a minute to remember what happened and then she looks at him and her face breaks into the most beautiful smile he has ever seen, a smile that he knows he will never forget.

For once she gets up before breakfast, she has to, or everyone will know where she spent the night, although he doubts that anyone would care. The few servants they have know how close they are and Harold isn't home yet anyway and Robert is sure the he wouldn't care as long as they told him that they planned to get married anyway. They wake both their children as well and have breakfast with them, something they have never done before, but he thinks that maybe that should be something they should at least do from time to time when they are back in England. Or maybe they should have lunch with their children instead, because he has a hard time imagining Cora getting up for breakfast on a regular basis. She likes to sleep in, never very late, but she isn't exactly an early riser and she likes to have breakfast in bed, she has told him so several times because he keeps teasing her about it. He will miss her so much.

When he has to leave, Cora and the children come outside with him. He says goodbye to Sam who doesn't really understand what is going on, first, but when he tells the boy that he will miss him, Sam looks back at him and says "I will miss you too, Papa."

Mary begins to cry when he says goodbye to her and tells him that she changed her mind and wants to come too. He knows she only feels that way in that moment, that it has just hit her that she really will be without her Papa, but that she would regret coming along as soon as they were on the ship and he can't take her now anyway.

"I love you Mary, and I will be back, I promise. I will write to you every day as soon as I am off the ship."

"I'll miss you, Papa."

"I know and I'll miss you too. Be a good girl while I am gone and listen to your mother." Mary nods and stops to cry and he only realizes what he has said when he looks at Cora. "Sorry," he says but she only shakes her head.

"We will get married, Robert, don't be sorry about feeling the way you do. It makes me very happy. I love you." He gives her a fleeting kiss on the lips and then says

"I love you too."

Once he is in the carriage and waves his family goodbye he realizes that for the first time in his life he has told a woman that he loves her. Except for Mary and Rosamund of course, but that is different, they are his daughter and sister, his love for them is very different. While he watches them he sees Cora lift Sam up and put an arm around Mary and stir her back into the house.

When he gets off the ship in Liverpool six days later, he is rather surprised to see both his parents there. He had thought that maybe his father or Rosamund would come to greet him, but he wouldn't have expected his mother to come, she is not the type for any sort of sentimental acts and picking up her son in Liverpool just to see him a day sooner than she would have anyway certainly is a very sentimental act. Something that surprises him even more is that his mother hugs him as soon as he is close enough to her for her to do so and just as on the day the he left, she begins to sob, not violently, the way Mary sometimes does, and not as heartbreakingly as Cora did when he told her that he would try to sweep her of her feet, but in a more restrained and quiet manner. He wonders how guilty his mother feels about forcing him into that horrid marriage and if maybe his leaving for America, his going away and taking her beloved granddaughter with him, has shown her the extent of what she had done. He begins to feel rather sorry for her, although he doesn't know how to make her feel better in that moment. He looks at his father who only shakes his head and then pats his mother on the back.

His parents have booked a hotel for the night and he actually enjoys being with them. His mother seems to have calmed down once they meet for dinner, but it is apparent that she missed him very much and that she is beyond happy to be able to talk to him again. He is happy to see his parents again too, although he misses Cora and the children very much. While he was on the ship he realized that he had begun to think of Sam as his son and of Cora as the mother of both Sam and Mary, and he briefly wonders if he should tell his parents about this right there and then, while they are so happy to have him back, if only for a short while, but then decides not to tell them right away. They will find out soon enough that although he isn't even divorced yet, he has already proposed to another woman, a woman who accepted him, a woman his parents certainly don't want him to marry. That is his greatest fear. He is sure that his parents will never push him into a marriage again, but he is now about to marry the woman they did not want him to marry all those years ago and his is afraid that they will try to prevent that marriage.

But this time his parents won't have a say in the matter. He will marry again and this time it will be to the right woman and he doesn't care that his mother will be ashamed of having an American daughter-in-law and that his father will certainly object to Robert accepting another man's son as his own, but there is nothing to be done, both he and Cora already have a child and they will make those two children 'their children', in fact they already have, and hopefully their son and daughter will be joined by siblings soon. They plan to live at the Abbey, but if his parents become unbearable or if they just refuse to let them live there, they will move to Sam's estate. They would both prefer the Abbey, the night before he left, after she had accepted his proposal, Cora told him that she wouldn't feel very comfortable living on her dead husband's estate again, and so he told her that he would do everything to make his parents accept their marriage. But, he thinks that now is neither the time nor the place and maybe his parents will be more accepting of his rather peculiar second marriage once he is actually divorced.

Because of the divorce, they go straight to London and per his request stay with Rosamund and Marmaduke. He needs a few quite moments with his sister and he won't have them if they are staying in different houses. Ever since they were children, Rosamund has been one of his closest friends, and vice versa and they used to meet late in the evenings, sometimes even in the middle of the night when they had to discuss something they didn't wish anyone, especially their parents, to hear and he fully plans on having one or two conversations like that with his sister over the course of the next one or two weeks. He needs to talk to someone about his relationship to Cora, he doesn't doubt it, he loves her, but he just feels that he needs someone to listen to him. Rosamund knows most of it anyways, he told her in his letters and she already asked him for the date of wedding before he had even proposed. But his sister knows him well and she probably knew before him how he felt about Cora.

True to what he hoped and more or less expected, Rosamund tells him to not go to bed when he goes upstairs their first night in London and she comes to his room once she is sure that their parents have retired.

"How are you? Really?"

"Somewhere between scared as hell because of the divorce and blissfully happy because of Cora."

"The divorce will go through without a hitch. The lawyer has reassured Marmaduke of that. It doesn't even look as if that woman will get her money back, Papa knew what he was doing with the prenup."

"Let's hope so." At least that his father seems to have done right.

"Rob, even if the family had to return her money, it wouldn't matter. Marmaduke and I will bail the family out, we are serious about that."

"It would feel wrong. It is my duty to take care of Downton, to preserve it, not yours."

"And you did your duty, Rob, never doubt that. It was just too much for a single person to handle because of a mistake our parents made when they told you exactly how you had to do your duty and with whom. And who better to turn to than your own sister? I love our childhood home just as much as you do. I want to save it too. But I might not have to save it."

"Do you miss it?"

"The Abbey? Very much. But since that woman left, Marmaduke and I have spent more time there than before and that makes it much easier to handle. But I also love our house and our life here, so I am very happy."

"I am glad for you, you deserve it."

"Do I?"

"You are the best sister in the world and you know it."

"I am trying my best. And you aren't such a bad brother either. Will I like Cora?"

"I think so. You two have some things in common. You are not similar people, but I think you will get along well." He dearly hopes so, because he would hate it if his wife, the wife he loves, and his sister did not get along. But somehow he doubts that would happen. Cora has a disposition to like people and while Rosamund doesn't want to like everyone, she usually only wants the best for her brother and so he is almost sure that she will make an effort too.

"Well, she loves you, which makes her much more likable than that woman."

"Yes. How do you know she loves me?"

"You said you were blissfully happy because of her, so she must love you."

"You are right, of course."

"When are you going to propose to her?"

"I've already done it and she has accepted me." His sister looks very surprised now and he wonders if she thinks that this was wrong, he can't read the expression on her face, something which doesn't happen often.

"Oh Rob, that is wonderful. I am very happy for you." She now gets up from the chair she's been sitting on and gives him a hug. "When will you get married?"

"I don't know, soon." He has to tell her, he knows she will be disappointed, but if he didn't tell her and just presented her with the facts, she'd be even more disappointed. "Rosamund, Cora and I will get married in America, probably not that long after my return there. And it will be only us and the children, no one else. We've both had a huge wedding with hundreds of guests and neither one of us wants to go through that again."

"I understand." She looks rather downcast though.

"Rosamund, I know you would like to be there, but I, we, just have to do this our own way."

"I know and I am not angry at you. A little disappointed maybe, but it's your choice and I understand why you've made that choice."

"Thank you."

"Will you make me the godmother of your next child as a, I don't know, compensation so to speak?"

"Of course."

He knows there is something else Rosamund wants to talk about but she isn't sure how to breech the subject. "Just ask."

"What about Cora's boy? Sam?"

"He is a lovely child, you will like him very much. He is a little trickster, a very engaging child. Mary loves him to pieces."

"What about you? Do you love him to pieces too?"

"I think so. Rosamund, I know this is strange, but Mary and I have stayed with Cora and Sam for the past sixth months and somehow, without meaning to, we've become one family. Two children, a mother and a father."

"In that case, I am looking forward to meeting my nephew. I've always wanted one."

"I suppose our parents won't be convinced as easily, especially since they have no idea about any of it. They don't know that Cora's brother isn't much more of a figurehead for us staying together. He is hardly ever there."

"Well, they'll come around, they miss you and Mary quite a lot. They were very disappointed when you wrote to them that you wouldn't bring her with you. They are also disappointed about you going back to America."

"It won't be for too long. We'll be back in England before Christmas."

"I am looking forward to Christmas very much then. And I'll try to convince our parents that they should be very happy for you and that they are not only getting a daughter-in-law that will make you happy but a grandson who is a duke into the bargain."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Is there anything I can do for you?

"No, but thanks for asking." One look at his sister tells him that she is to break down in tears and so he puts his arm around and lets her cry on his shoulder. He knows that this is about her not being able to have children, all this talk about his children must have reminded her of the fact that she won't ever have any children. She doesn't seem the maternal type, but neither does their mother and no matter how much their mother tries to hide it, both Rosamund and he know that she loves them very much.

"I am so sorry."

"Thank you for saying that. I suppose I just have to make sure to be your children's favorite aunt so that they'll come and stay with me."

"You are their only aunt, so being their favorite one won't be very difficult." This has the effect he hoped it would have and his sister begins to laugh. He knows she will be a great aunt, she already is to Mary, Mary just hasn't realized that yet, but she will eventually, and she will love her aunt Rosamund very much, because that aunt will allow her to do many things that Cora and he will tell Mary are out of the question. But that is what aunts are for, it is their job.

"I'll still try to be an aunt they like and trust."

"I am sure you'll be successful." He decides to try to get Mary to write to her aunt as soon as he is back in America, he is sure that it would make Rosamund very happy.

"You have to go to court tomorrow."

"Yes."

"Will you go to Downton afterwards?"

"Only for a few days. I want to be back in America before Sam's birthday. He'll turn three on September 2nd. Will you come to Downton too?"

"Yes. And you should sleep now. Goodnight little brother."

"Goodnight."


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Thank you so much for the reviews! They totally make my day, everytime I see one.

On the off chance that you are reading this story as well: To the guest who reviewed my story _The Beginnings_: Thank you so much for that lovely review!

Kat

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During the next day it becomes apparent that Rosamund's estimation that the divorce would go through without a hitch was correct. The family doesn't have to return much of the money, just a very small fraction, a fraction so small that they can actually do it without taking money from Rosamund and Marmaduke. This relieves Robert very much, because despite his sister's words, he still believes that saving Downton was his duty and not hers. Both his father and Marmaduke accompanied him to court and when they return, he sends them home ahead because he needs to go the post office to send a telegram to Cora.

They leave for Downton early the next day and arrive shortly before lunch. When he sees the Abbey, he realizes how much he missed his home. His father asks him to walk with him after lunch and during that walk he tells him about the developments of the estate. He missed that too, he misses being responsible for the estate, at least to some extent. His father asks him when he will come back for good and he tells him that it will certainly be before Christmas but he doesn't tell him that he will not only bring Mary but also Cora and Sam, because his parents still don't know about them and he is very reluctant to tell them because he is happy to be with his parents again and he is afraid that telling them that is about to get married again, get married to a woman they don't want him to marry, will destroy that happiness. He is often at odds with his parents, especially with his mother, but he loves his parents and he doesn't want to fight with them, even though he knows that he will have to, because not marrying Cora is not an option for him.

He knows that Mary mentioned Sam in her letter to her grandparents, she was so proud of it that she asked him to read it before it was sent to England, but it did not become apparent how close Mary and Sam and he and Sam and most of all he and Cora are, he supposes that to his parents, Sam seems like a little boy Mary met by chance, which is true enough, and that she gets along with him rather well and that that is it.

Halfway through dinner, the under butler says "Telegram for you from America, mi'lord" and his parents look at him questioningly immediately. He has no idea why the butler had to tell everyone that it was from America, but then again, where else should it be from?

"Thank you," he says and makes to put it into his pocket.

"Open it," his father says. "If it is from America, it must be about Mary. We are worried about her."

So he does open it and as he predicted it is an answer from Cora to his previous telegram to her.

"Mary is fine," he says and nothing else. What it actually says is _Congratulations. Sam and Mary are very well. I love you too. Cora _but there is no way in the world he will tell his parents this.

"Why would you get a telegram from America telling you that Mary is fine?"

"Mama, he probably inquired about it." He wants to hug Rosamund for saving him.

"Who did you leave her with anyway? I didn't really understand that. You must have left her with someone. If you've found a nanny she talks to, you should probably bring the nanny with you when you return. It might cost a lot of money to get her here because she would be leaving her home behind, but she would also be working for an aristocratic family." He considers just saying 'yes' to this because Cora and he really plan to bring the American nanny to England, but he'd be misleading his parents then and he knows that lying about this would make everything more difficult so he decides to venture as close to the truth as possible.

"I've left her with Harold's sister. Mary likes and trusts her and neither Harold nor his sister minded."

"Pity, because you can't bring that sister here." He almost chokes on the wine he has just drunk and Marmaduke has to hit his back rather forcefully to make him stop coughing.

His mother raises her eyebrows and asks

"Who is this sister anyway? And who is this boy Sam?"

"Sam is Harold's nephew. His sister and nephew have been staying with him too."

"The whole time?"

"Yes."

"Robert."

"What? Mary gets along with both of them, she talks to them, should I really have taken her away from it because people on the other side of the ocean might start to gossip if I am staying in a rather large house with other people, one of whom happens to be a woman?" He knows he overreacted but he has been on edge this whole conversation. He wishes Cora was there because she'd smile at him and tell him that everything was fine. He misses her more than ever.

"You are getting too defensive Robert. Who is this woman?" He looks at Rosamund who nods at him and he thinks that his sister is right. He has to tell his parents the truth before he goes back to America anyway, so he might just as well do it right now.

"She is the Dowager Duchess of Suffolk. Her son, Sam, is the Duke of Suffolk."

"That's that American girl you liked so much." His father phrases this as a statement, not a question. There is no use in denying it.

"Yes, she is."

"Robert, that is wonderful." He is surprised for a second until his mother goes on. "If Mary gets along with that Duke so well, we should encourage her to keep up the friendship. Wouldn't it be wonderful if she were to be the Duchess of Suffolk at some point in the future?"

He takes a deep breath, he knows his mother didn't mean to offend, she only wants the best for Mary, there is no doubt about it, but he is sure, quite sure that Mary will never be the Duchess of Suffolk. Her and Sam will grow up as brother and sister and if they are lucky, they will get along as well as he and Rosamund do when they are grown up.

"Mama, I know you only want the best for Mary, the very best. And so do I. But I am quite sure that she won't marry the Duke of Suffolk. She thinks of him as a brother."

"She does so now because she is far too young to think of him as anything else. But that might change over time. I suppose that that American will bring the boy back to England at some point. All we have to do is play our cards right. Americans are rather sentimental, that woman might actually be in favor of the match as well, especially if there was some real affection involved."

He takes another deep breath.

"That won't happen. Mary and Sam will grow up as brother and sister because I will marry Sam's mother." He thinks that his heart is beating so loud that everyone in the room must be able to hear it. He notices that Carson hasn't left the room and seems to be rather enthralled by what is going on.

His father is now choking on his wine.

"How is that possible?"

"I asked her and she said yes. I proposed to her the night before I left. I hadn't planned on it, I wanted to do it after my return to America, after the divorce, but I did it then because it felt right. I didn't really think about it. But I am very glad that I did ask."

He expected his parents to rage and storm at this but all they do is smile at each other across the table. Eventually his mother clears her throat and then says

"Well, spontaneous proposals can lead to very happy marriages."

Understanding dawns on Rosamund's face and when she looks at their father still starring at their mother, the understanding turns into a gleeful smile.

"Papa, I didn't know you had it in you," she says. Their father ignores Rosamund, turns to Robert and asks

"Where are you going to live?"

"If you don't mind, here. Sam is still very small and Cora has no attachment to her son's estate. Her first marriage wasn't a very good one, she has no happy memories of that house. We could of course renovate it, Cora has full control of Sam's finances, but we'd much rather live here."

"We have to find a new set of rooms for you then. Maybe we should also move the nursery or at least remodel it. What do you think? Blow the old cobwebs away? We can look for rooms for you tomorrow."

He is absolutely flabbergasted, he had not expected his parents to accept him marrying Cora so soon, but they still don't know how soon.

"Thank you Papa, we should do that. There is something you should know, though. I will marry Cora in America, probably very soon after I have returned there. It'll be just us and the children. We've both had a huge wedding already and we both consider those days among the worst of our lives. So we've decided on something very simple wedding this time."

"Of course. Will you allow us to hold a small party for you once you've returned? Just a few friends and family members."

"Robert, say no to this. You know that when Mama says 'a few friends and family members' what she means is everyone we know or have ever heard of. It'll be at least one hundred people."

"I'll talk to Cora and let you know." He knows that Cora will probably say yes to this. Not because she wants to have a party given for her but with guests she has never met in her life, but because she is a very kind person and would not want to disappoint his mother.

He tosses and turns in bed later that night and he just can't fall asleep. He hates his room and he is beyond glad that his father already suggested to give him, or rather them, a different set of rooms. He wants the nursery to be moved too, they need a bigger one and he wants it to be painted in bright and cheerful colors, just like the one in Newport. Maybe he should let Cora pick the colors. Or Mary and Sam, although that would not be a good idea because the nursery would be painted in blue and purple then. Cora should also be allowed to decorate her room exactly the way she wants it, although he sure that he has a good idea of how she would want her room to be decorated. She likes cream colors, bright and friendly. She likes furniture that can actually be used for something, that are not just a piece of decoration to show off her wealth. But even thinking about Cora doesn't make him feel more comfortable in his old room and eventually he decides to sleep in one of the guest rooms. One or two are usually made up and if none of them is, he'll just have to ask for one to be made up. He would feel uncomfortable to wake a maid just because he can't sleep in his own room, but not sleeping is not an option either. He could of course also just sleep on the settee in the library. He grabs a few things and on his way to the guest wing, he wants to see if there is a room he can use first because he'd much prefer a bed to a settee, he walks past his mother's room and he hears voices in there. It makes him smile to know that his parents are still in a relationship that allows them to spend time together at night. He is almost past the room when he hears his own name spoken by his mother.

"Robert is making a mistake." So it won't be that easy.

"Do you think so?"

"Patrick, he just got out of a marriage and now he is entering the next one without thinking about it carefully. He is about to marry an American."

"An American he is in love with."

"An American he fancies himself in love with."

"Violet, I am sure that he really loves her."

"How can you be sure?"

"Rosamund is sure of it too. I asked her. And you know those children talk about that sort of things.

Robert has apparently written to her about Cora before and Rosamund says she knew that he would marry Cora even before he proposed."

"Why didn't she tell us right away?"

"Why would she? Why should she break her brother's confidences?"

"Because we have a right to know."

"No, we don't. He's grown up. He is the father of a five year old daughter. He can make his own decisions. And the one major decision that we made for him turned into a disaster, so I say we let the boy do what he thinks is right."

"What if this marriage doesn't work either? What if he is unhappy again?"

"He won't be. Violet, I have come to a realization, a realization that makes me think that we have to do everything in our power to make that marriage between Robert and Cora a happy one. It is why I told him they could live here without consulting you first."

"I was surprised by that. What was that realization?"

"I think that when we told Robert that he had to marry Phillippa and he asked if he couldn't marry Cora instead, and we asked him whether he loved that American and he said 'no', that was a lie. I don't think he knew he was lying, but I think that he did love her then."

"No."

"Yes. He was too young to understand what love is, but I think he loved her."

"Patrick, that would mean that we have done was even worse than we thought it was."

"Yes. But Violet, we have to face that fact. And we can make up for it by accepting Cora now, by giving them both time and space, by letting them be happy here. Without our interference."

"She has a child from another marriage."

"And so does Robert."

"It's different. Mary is a girl. But he'd accept another man's son as his own."

"I think he has already done that and why should he not accept that boy? The boy is a duke, we shouldn't complain about getting a duke as a grandson."

"A step-grandson."

"Violet, don't be like that. Robert is willing to be the father of another man's son. Shouldn't we be willing to be that boy's grandparents? And that boy would be our grandson anyway if we hadn't been so stupid and destroyed our son's life by forcing him to marry that horrible woman, just because we thought it would be embarrassing if he married an American."

"We wouldn't have had to force him if you had managed the estate better."

"We wouldn't have had to force him if you had brought money into this marriage."

"Patrick, it is not my fault. You knew I didn't have any money and yet you proposed."

"Without thinking about it and it was the best decision I have ever made. Don't ever doubt that. But knowing what we know about happy marriages, shouldn't we have at least have let Robert make his own decision? Shouldn't we have let him pick the woman he thought he'd get along with best?"

"But we didn't."

"No. But we can do it now. Let's accept that he is about to marry that American, let's accept that he will bring home a son that isn't really his. Let him be happy."

"It'll cause a scandal."

"Violet, we are engulfed in scandal. The end of Robert's marriage has been a topic of conversation for over half a year now. And that ex-wife of his will make sure that it stays that way. Robert marrying an American will not make anything worse. In fact, I think that if people saw him happy with another woman, the scandal would eventually subside."

"People will think that that Sam is Robert's and Cora's illegitimate child. That they had an affair, that the boy isn't really a duke. It will make the boy's life very difficult. And it will lessen Mary's prospects."

"Maybe people will speculate about that for a little while. But Violet, those children are two and five. Being part of a scandal now won't really hurt them and once Mary is of an age at which she has to think about marriage, being the daughter of an Earl and the sister of a Duke will greatly increase her prospects."

"Maybe she will still be the daughter of a future Earl then."

"Violet, she won't be and we both know it. And that's another thing we have to keep in mind. Robert will have to take over the responsibility for this estate soon."

"I thought you had a few years left."

"I do. Maybe three or if I am very lucky four. But I'll get weak and I still want to spend a few happy months with you. I think I would like to travel again. At least once. Before that won't be a possibility anymore. And I need Robert to be able to take care of this estate without my help and it will be much easier for him if he has a loving wife at his side. It made it so much easier for me." He knows he should leave, he knows his parents think that no one is listening, but he can't, he is rooted to the spot. If he understood correctly, and he is sure that he has, his father is either sick or about to become sick.

"Patrick, I don't want you to die." The fear in his mother's voice shocks him, it shock him so much that he drops everything he is holding, including a rather large book, which falls to the floor with a loud thud. Only a second later his father opens the door from the inside and stares at him.

"Robert, what are you doing here in the middle of the night?" He knows that his father isn't really mad, just shocked and scared of having been overheard.

"I couldn't sleep. I wanted to see if one of the guest's rooms had been made up. I would have slept in the library otherwise."

"What?"

"The room, I can't sleep in my old room."

"Robert, how much did you hear?" He briefly considers lying but doubts that that would be helpful.

"Enough. Papa, what is wrong with you?"

"I can't explain it and I don't want to talk about it."

"But it is serious."

"Yes. Robert, you have to face the facts. You heard us. You'll be the Earl in a few years, there is nothing we can do about it."

"Papa," he is about to cry, he doesn't want to cry in front of his father, he is not a little child anymore but that thought reminds him of Mary and Sam and what this will mean for them. His father's deteriorating health will mean that he will have less time for his children, less time for his wife.

"I am sorry Robert, I really am. I wish it didn't have to happen, I wish I could see you walk Mary and any other daughter you might have down the aisle. But I won't be able to do that. I won't be dead by next Tuesday, I've got some time left and I will guide you in the management of the estate until you are ready to do it by yourself. There isn't much left for me to teach you anyway and you are about to marry a duchess, she'll be able to help."

"We could come here right away, I am sure that Cora wouldn't object. I could even stay and ask Cora to bring the children here by herself. She'll take the nanny, it wouldn't be a problem."

"Yes, you could do all that. But I don't think you should. Go back to America, stay for a few more weeks, get married to that girl, spend some time there, show her parents that they don't have to worry about their daughter and then return here with your wife and children."

"But"

"Your father is right Robert. I won't pretend that I am happy about you marrying that American. But I won't stop you because I have done that before and it was a disaster. Get married the way you want to and then bring your wife and both our grandchildren here. As your father said, we'll look for a set of rooms for you tomorrow."

"Mama," he wants to say something. He wants to say sorry. He doesn't know what for, but he has the feeling the he should be sorry.

"Go to sleep Robert. You'll be here for only three more days and I wouldn't appreciate it if you spent one of those days sleeping because you've been up all night."

So he leaves. The first guestroom he looks into has been made up and he just falls down on the bed. He can't stop his tears anymore. He is about to lose his father. Not, as he said, next Tuesday, but soon, too soon. He doesn't want to be the Earl of Grantham, not yet. Of course he will be eventually, but he doesn't think that he is ready for it. But maybe his father is right; maybe having Cora by his side will make this easier for him.

He goes in search of rooms for them together with his parents the next day and they find some that he likes. He tells his parents that he would like a private sitting room for him and Cora as well and they don't object, although his mother tells him to not ask for a private dining room as well. He wonders if he should talk to his parents about what he has overheard again, but since they don't raise the subject, he doesn't either.

When he says goodbye to them two days later, they are a lot more cheerful than they were the last time he left and his mother doesn't cry, all she says is "We will see you before Christmas."

"Yes. I'll let you know once I am in America, I'll send a telegram."

"Good," his father says. "Off you go then. Get married again. Good luck."

"Thank you."

As he watches the Abbey vanish into the distance, he thinks that he can hardly wait to bring his family home, because the Abbey is his home, no matter how much he likes the house they have been staying in in America. His home will always be at Downton.


	6. Chapter 6

When he gets out of another carriage in Newport in front of Cora's parents' house, both his children come running to him, screaming "Papa, Papa," at the top of their lungs and he catches Mary first, she is much taller and thus much faster than Sam, and his little girl begins to sob uncontrollably and says "I am so glad you came back." She clings to him as if her life depended on it and he wonders if he didn't make a mistake in leaving her in America. He will have to talk to Cora about this and ask her not to sugar-coat anything, although he hopes that Mary's reaction to his return is only spontaneous and that she just doesn't know how to handle her emotions at this point, she is only five years old after all.

"I'll always come back," he says and gives her a kiss on the cheek, while simultaneously catching Sam with his free arm. "I missed you, Papa," the little boy says once he has caught him. For some reason that touches him just as much as Mary's much more emotional reaction to his return. He gives Sam a kiss on the cheek too and then lifts up both his children at once, something that is a lot harder to accomplish than he thought it would be, and walks towards their mother. Cora is laughing at their children's antics, and maybe also at him. Once he has reached her, Mary who overcame her crying fit rather quickly, turns to him and says "Papa, put us down. I'll watch Sam for a moment." And so quite absentmindedly he lowers his children to the ground and then wraps his arms around their mother. "I am glad you are back." she says. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." They then begin to kiss and he forgets everything that isn't Cora. He feels as if the world was spinning around him but as if Cora was his anchor to keep him steady in this world. He doesn't want to let go of her, he wants to stay like this with her forever, until she gently disentangles herself from him.

"Our children want your attention, I think." Her use of the term 'our children' sends a shiver down his spine and he wants to kiss her again for just that, but she is right, of course, their children do want and deserve his attention.

So they spend a wonderful afternoon with their children and when Mary decides that she should draw a hopscotch court on to one of the pathways through the gardens and Sam excitedly joins her in the game although he really doesn't know what he is doing, he and Cora sit down on a bench and Robert puts one arm around Cora and she leans into him. They shouldn't ever sit like this outside out of their own private rooms and most certainly not before they are married, but they don't care. They have done a lot more than this the night before he left and if Harold or a servant sees them, it doesn't really matter. He thinks that it won't harm their children to see that their parents are rather affectionate with one another, he thinks that is probably even important for them to know, especially for Mary, that it will be different this time. His little girl needs to know that Cora is the opposite of her mother, that Cora is nice and gentle and loving and would never harm her or him or Sam for that matter. He thinks that Mary already knows this, she trusts Cora just as much as she trusts him, but she still needs to see that a marriage can be very happy. Of course her grandparents are happily married, but he doubts that Mary really noticed that because she was so afraid of them. He wishes he could have capture the way his parents looked at each other the night he told them about his proposal to Cora. His parents are certainly not very affectionate with each other in public, but they are obviously still in love and that gives him hope. He doesn't doubt that he'll love Cora for the rest of his life, but he knows that marriage can be a difficult business and he doesn't disillusion himself by believing that Cora and he will never fight. But his parents tend to fight like cats and dogs; they sometimes have shouting matches that can be heard in the servants' hall, but those fights never seem to have given them cause to doubt their marriage, they have still always been happy. That is what gives him hope.

"I've told my parents about us. They said they'd be more than happy to have us with them at the Abbey."

"Good." Cora sighs in contentment and draws lazy circles on the arm he has placed around her.

"Darling, there is something that I need to tell you." He decided to tell Cora about his father's illness before their wedding, because he wants her to know what she is getting herself into. He doesn't doubt that will still marry him, but he thinks she has a right to know.

"Go ahead then. The children won't listen, they are too occupied."

"My father is sick. I don't know what it is exactly, he wouldn't tell me, but he says that he only has a few years left and that he will become weaker soon. He wants me to take over the running of the estate soon, because he wants to spend some more time with my mother while he is still strong enough to travel and not tied to a chair or a bed."

"I am so sorry for you."

"He plans to involve me in the estate full time from the beginning of next year on and he wants to hand over the reins around Easter."

"Which means that you will become the Earl then, except for in name and title."

"Yes. And that means that I will have a lot less time for you and the children than I thought I would. And although my mother loves being the Countess, she loves my father even more and you will become the Countess in all but name and title soon as well."

"Which means that I won't have much more time for our children then you do."

"I am afraid it does." Cora sighs at this and then turns around to face him.

"I love you Robert, and we will get through this. I'll help you as much as I can. We just have to be careful not to take each other or our children for granted."

"We shouldn't take anything for granted. We've been through too much. Cora, I am sorry I didn't propose to you in 88. I should have done that. At the very least I should have been honest with you."

"Robert, we've talked about this, I know why you did what you did. And it doesn't matter anymore. You did propose and we are getting married." He squeezes her now and gently kisses her.

"When should we get married?"

"Soon. Next week, or the week after that."

"Have you told the children?"

"I've told Mary. She asked me about it. Robert, that girl is so intelligent it almost scares me."

"Only almost? It sometimes scares the wits out of me. I or rather she, will reach a point at which I can't teach her anything anymore." He is half-joking now and they both laugh as they watch Mary trying to explain to Sam that he has to follow rules if he wants to play the game while the boy, quite oblivious to his sister's sermon, keeps on jumping into the different hopscotch fields just as he pleases. Mary sighs and says an exasperated "I give up. You keep on jumping and tell me when you are done, so that I can actually PLAY the game." Sam does not seem to notice the tone that Mary is taking with him or maybe he just doesn't care, he probably enjoys hopping up and down the court too much to care. Mary walks over to them and he expects her to sit down next him, but she sits down next Cora and leans against her and Cora puts her arm around her in a practiced motion. For a fleeting second he becomes jealous of Cora but then dismisses the thought because it is just plain stupid and he should be happy about this, he really is.

"Mary, what have you been doing while I was in England?"

Mary looks at Cora and asks "Can I tell Papa?"

"Of course you can," Cora says and he wonders what it is about.

"Mama took me dress shopping. To New York. It was wonderful." He doesn't know what he should be surprised about the most. That Mary apparently calls Cora 'Mama', it doesn't bother him, quite the contrary, or that Cora took a five year old to New York to buy her new clothes.

"We didn't only buy clothes Mary. We visited my aunt, who was kind enough to keep an eye on Sam while I took you dress shopping one day." That of course makes a lot more sense.

"But it was the best day Mama. You said it yourself."

"It was a very nice day, yes."

"We had ice cream that day. We went to the park and had ice cream. Just Mama and me. And then we bought dresses for me. They are lovely, I'll show them to you if you like. Papa, come with me." He really doesn't want to go and look at his daughter's new clothes. He hated it when Rosamund made him look at her clothes, he always found that rather boring and that thought reminds him of something.

"Maybe later. But Mary, your grandparents were very very happy about the letter you sent them. Your Granny put it in a frame and set it onto her desk." When he saw the letter there it had hit him how much his parents must miss Mary and how hard the last five and a half years must have been for them. They love Mary just as much as he does and they desperately wanted to help her and receiving a letter from their only granddaughter, a granddaughter who used to be too scared to talk to them, made them happy beyond words.

"I know. They replied to me and I have already written back to them. Mama, do you think they've already got the letter?"

"Maybe."

"Writing back to your grandparents was very nice, Mary. I think your aunt Rosamund would like a letter too. You could tell her all about dress shopping in New York. Your aunt loves dresses."

"Maybe I can go dress shopping with her in London? Do you think I could ask her about it?"

"Ask her by all means. She will be more than happy to take you shopping." In fact Rosamund will probably jump up and down with joy. His sister loves fashion and it has always bothered her that there was no one in the family who really shared her passion. Their mother is interested in it, but certainly not to the extent that Rosamund cares about it. Getting a letter from her niece asking her to go dress shopping will be like Christmas come early for Rosamund.

"Can I write the letter now?"

"If you like."

"Good. I'll get my pen and paper and then come back and write the letter."

"You've successfully maneuvered around your daughter presenting you her new dresses."

"Rosamund will appreciate reading the detailed descriptions much more than I will appreciate looking at those dresses."

"I hope I didn't go too far. I mean with taking Mary dress shopping. But she really did need new dresses." Of course she didn't go too far. He is glad that Mary has finally done something typical for girls. He could never have taken her shopping, not the way that Cora did anyway and Mary seems to have enjoyed her day with her Mama tremendously and that is what matters the most.

"Cora, to all intents and purposes she is your daughter just as much as mine and you can take our girl shopping if you feel like it." She turns to him, takes his free hand in hers looks at him and says "I love you. With all my heart. I love you."

He pulls her close and kisses her and never wants to stop but eventually manages to move a few inches away from her and whispers "I love you too."

"Papa, I'm tired," Sam says and pulls him back into reality. He looks at his son who makes a motion that indicates that he wants to be held and so he lifts the boy up and puts him onto his lap. Mary has now returned, sits down next to Cora and begins to write the letter to her aunt. He watches his daughter as she bites the nail of her left thumb while writing and after a few minutes he realizes that both Sam and Cora have fallen asleep.

"Papa, should I write 'Mama went shopping with me' or 'Cora went shopping with me'?"

"Write what you feel like Mary."

"Mama, then." He smiles at his daughter and thinks that he has never been so happy.

Late that evening, when Cora and he are alone in the sitting room again, he pulls her close to him and kisses her in earnest and she kisses him back. She takes him to her room and they do what they did the night before he left and he feels as if he had gone to heaven.

They get married two and half weeks later in ceremony in the garden of the house they've been staying in together for quite some time now. Their children really are the only guests and a photographer comes after the ceremony to take pictures. Robert is exceptionally glad that he ordered the photographer because Cora looks stunning in a very simple wedding dress. They had originally agreed that she wouldn't wear one but apparently she changed her mind and he is glad that she did. Mary wears a dress that is cut in a similar style, just not as white and more fitting for a small girl. Sam wears some sort of morning coat for the first time in his life and manages to not get it dirty before the pictures have been taken. He falls into a pond right afterwards though and while Cora takes him to his nanny, Mary grabs his hand and says in a voice that sounds far too grown up for a five year old

"Congratulations Papa. I am very happy."

"Well, I am happy too."

"Do you like Mama's dress?"

"Very much."

"I helped her chose it. We bought it in New York."

"You must have been a great help."

"I think I was. Mama said so too. She said she loves me. Do you think it is true?" His daughter sounds so very hopeful and he is glad that he can answer this truthfully.

"Yes Mary, it is true. She wouldn't say it if she didn't."

"Do you love Sam?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean that I love you any less."

"I know Papa. We've found a family, haven't we?" He wants to answer something but Mary lets go of his hand that moment and runs across the lawn to meet her mother who has just left the house again.

"Mama, Papa likes the dress. I told you so."

They stay in America long enough for them to spend two weeks with Cora's parents who Cora had informed about her wedding while Robert was England. Cora's parents don't seem to be too perturbed; Cora's mother even takes a liking to Mary, although the affection seems to be rather one sided. Mary however does not hide from Martha and she even talks to her, though she is by far not as open with her as she is with Cora and him, but that was not to be expected anyway. Cora's father asks him to take good care of Cora and to promise him to never hurt her, a promise he can give very easily.

Very late during their last night in Newport, while they are lying next to each other in the bed they have shared ever since Robert's return from England, Cora takes his hand, places it on her abdomen and says "We are going to have a baby." Unbelievable warmth spreads through him and the image of Cora pregnant with his child that he pushed away months ago now reenters his mind but this time the picture shows him the very near future. He holds her in his arms and tells her how happy she has made him and that he loves her more than anything in the world.

He spends the six days on the ship taking care of his two sea-sick children and his pregnant wife who bravely tries to fight her morning sickness which sometimes lasts well into the afternoon but miserably fails at that. He doesn't get to go to dinner in one of the dining rooms full of splendor once, because someone is always throwing up, but it doesn't bother him, it is what he wanted. He wanted a family and he has got that now and if that means sea sick children, then he will take care of them gladly while they don't feel well.

When they get to Downton, they are welcomed with a full complement and his doubts about his father accepting Sam vanish into thin air the moment Patrick takes Sam by the hand, leads him into the library and points at a set of toy soldiers that is familiar to Robert. He never really liked it, but Sam seems to have almost as much fun playing with it as Patrick obviously has. Mary, unwittingly, makes a brilliant move to make her grandmother not only accept but like Cora, by first asking whether her pony Pedro was still in the stables, that alone makes the Countess smile, and then by jumping of the sofa, grabbing Cora by the hand and saying

"Mama, you wanted to meet Pedro. Let's go to the stables now. Papa, you can stay with Granny and Grandpa and Sam, I know the way."

Cora almost laughs herself silly at that but gives in to Mary and when she gets up, he thinks for the first time that she is starting to show her pregnancy.

"She's pregnant, isn't she?" his mother asks as soon as Mary and Cora have left.

"Yes."

"Congratulations, my dear boy. Although it is a little early for to start to show, don't you think? But then again, they say, women start to show earlier when having their second child. So maybe that is just it."

"I am sure it is," he says and he knows that his mother is sure that this is a lie but she changes the topic.

"Mary has changed."

"Yes and no. She's always been like that around me, at least when she forgot about the rest of the world. Now she is like that all the time, except that she is more self-confident now. Cora taught her that."

"She's a very good mother."

"Yes. She loves our children very much."

"I can see that. And she loves you too. You've made a good choice. And your father is happy to finally have a child in the house that gives him an excuse to play with those toy soldiers."

He is woken up far too early when he feels a child's hands shaking him awake but then remembers that it is his daughter's sixth birthday.

"Papa, wake up, it's my birthday today." Mary now climbs onto the bed and Sam follows her and they both jump up and down and he has to grab hold of both them because he is afraid that they might fall onto Cora who, miraculously, is still asleep.

"Mama, wake up it's my birthday today." Cora now turns around, opens her eyes and smiles at Mary.

"I know darling, how would I forget?"

"Can we get dressed now? You promised me you would ask your maid to dress me today. I've already picked out all my clothes, they are on my bed. We could go to my room and Sam could stay here with Papa. Mama, please?"

"Mary, it is six o'clock. It is too early. We have to wait at least another hour. Why don't you and your brother lie down and sleep for a little while?" He thinks that Mary is too excited to go to sleep, she only slept until 5:30 on Christmas morning and when he sent her back to bed, she apparently just went to Rosamund's room and talked her aunt into getting up with her. But Mary says "alright," lies down between him and Cora, looks at Sam and says "Sam, it is still early, maybe we can sleep a little while longer." The boy lies down too then, right next to his sister and says "Papa, you and Mama have to sleep too."

Cora laughs at that and looks at him and says "He's right, you know?" and he smiles at her and says "yes". So they both lie down again. Cora and both children fall asleep again within a few minutes and he watches them. He has to pinch himself when he realizes that exactly a year ago he left Downton to make his daughter's life more bearable, to give her a happy childhood at least for a little while and he is beyond thankful that his little girl asked him to take her to New York.

* * *

AN: This is the end of this story. I will probably post an epilogue, though I don't know when, because I am still drowning in work.

Anyway, thanks for all the reviews!

Kat


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